I'm seriously pissed with myself.
I'm stuck in a rut, still doing the same things that have plagued me since I began playing poker (and for my entire life, really).
I continue to play too tightly- so tightly that I get very little action on my big hands. I'm not bluffing enough, and when I do bluff, I tend to go on for too long instead of mucking my hand.
Although I did have a couple of good bluffs earlier tonight, so I guess that's something.
And I'm increasingly understanding the importance of position- bluffing in late position, for example, is a good thing. Or when there are very few people in the hand (which is virtually impossible to know from early position).
However. I'm still BUSTING OUT, so that makes me very unhappy.
I keep thinking of something that I learned as a kid. See, I had one of those "cool" moms whom all the other kids in the neighborhood liked (because she talked to us like adults, not kids). Yet there was one thing she used to do that always embarrassed/angered me: put us (the family) down.
When I was about nine I finally confronted her about it. She apologized and explained herself by saying people liked you better if you put yourself down.
Even at the age of nine I knew that was messed up.
Despite that, I learned the lesson well. I don't put myself down to other people- not openly. I do downplay my own abilities and what I offer. That doesn't serve me well in life or poker.
I need to stop playing so timidly. I can beat these other players! I am capable of understanding the game and other players. I have patience (I spent five years in hell getting a PhD).
So why am I holding myself back against a bunch of nameless poker players on the internet?